Hear the Angel Voices
by Hotshot
Summary: Specs used to love Christmas. Last year, however, things changed. He was in a terrible car accident. The only person Specs knew who loved Christmas more than he did was killed. A year of pain has passed. Is he ready to live again?
1. I don't want to remember

Disclaimer:  I don't own Newsies or Christmas. If I did you would see both of them a lot more.  Ruin is owned by Keza, Lute by well Lute, Shade by Shade and Magic by Cards.  Mouse is owned by my good friend SaL, and I own Hotshot.

Hear the Angel Voices

Chapter 1

Hotshot

Warning:  This story does contain some sensitive subjects including a character death.                

"So are you going to come with me to the service tomorrow night?"

David slung his backpack over his shoulder and slammed his locker shut, sighing.  He looked over at Jack with one eyebrow slightly arched and a rather annoyed look on his face.  "Jack, does it even enter your mind that I'm Jewish.  I don't go to church."

The boy flicked his tousled brown hair out of his eyes and worked on transferring several textbooks from his locker into his bulging bag.  "I'm not stupid Dave.  No one goes for the actual service, well, not any of us anyway.  We're all going to hang out in the choir room afterward, and then walk around the common.  The choir is real good too, and Mouse is in it."  He started walking down the school's main hall.

"Waitaminute, waitaminute, back up.  Mouse is going to be there?" David was staring.

Jack laughed, "And you think I'm the stupid one.  David, she teaches Sunday school or whatever.  She's in the choir, yes she'll be there."  He elbowed his friend.  "And I don't care if you're Jewish.  I'm picking you up at nine tomorrow.  Blink is dragging Mush and Snitch always goes with Itey so I'm not giving you a cho-"

David glanced back as Jack was abruptly cut off and found him standing in the doorway of the school.  A small sprig of mistletoe had been, he guess, strategically placed there, and hung from the frame.  Under it laid Jack, sprawled out on the ground, his mouth too occupied to speak by his girlfriend's lips.  David laughed.

"Afternoon David," Shade greeted him a moment later as she stood up.  "Did Jack convince you to come yet?"

"I'm coming, don't worry."

"Good," she turned back to Jack, "I'll see you in an hour or two?"

"Alright." He stared after her for a moment as she walked toward the parking lot.  He shook his head and began walking again, "So do you want a ride home?"

"Better than taking the bus," David commented eyeing the yellow monstrosities which were quickly becoming crowded."

"Okay, c'mon, I'll let you drive." Jack said, waving the keys in David's face.

David watched the keys being dangled not a foot in front of his face.  Like he was going to fall for that one again.  Jack never let anyone drive his car, not even Shade, and Shade, well to say the least Shade was _very persuasive when she wanted to be.  Still he was tempted to grab for the keys, but he ignored the thought._

*       *       *

"I need a ride home, my cars still in the shop."  Hotshot hinted to her friend.

"Why can't you ask Specs?"

"Because Specs has to run some errands for his mother this afternoon."

"There are plenty of other people that haven't left yet."

"Mo-o-o-o-ou-u-u-use…" she complained.  "You owe me.  Don't ask me for what, but you do.  And even if I don't I'll just owe you more.

Her blond companion began the trek across the parking lot, "Okay."

They avoided being run over by any of the insane drivers at their school, which included a large percentage of the student drivers, and reached the slightly used jeep.  

"So did anyone talk you into coming to the church tomorrow night?" Mouse asked.

"I'm coming.  As much as I hate it I promised Specs I was going to be there."

"Any idea who else is coming?"

"Ummm… I had last period with Pie, and he said he thought he'd be able to convince Ruin to come.  Lute and Itey are bringing Snitch; Mush said he was going to come.  Magic will be there so obviously so will Bumlets.  Almost everyone really.  Now tell me, how's Specs doing in the choir thing."  

"He told me not to tell you anything; you'll have to wait until tomorrow night just like everyone else."

"Oh come on, at least tell me what you guys are singing."

"I told you I wasn't going to tell you."

"Honestly, I'm so cheated when it comes to all of this.  Here we have you, one of my best friends, and my boyfriend, both in the choir.  Between the two of you I can't find out a single thing about any of it.  Why do I even try?"  She jumped as her cell phone beeped and picked it up to check her mail. 

"Who was it?" Mouse asked as a bothered look covered her friend's face.

"Specs is blowing me off tonight.  I swear I haven't really seen him for over a week, let alone talked to him.  Now he blows me off."

"Well it's a bad time of year for him.  I mean with what happened last year I don't think any of us are going to be the happiest of people tomorrow."

"I try not to think about it too much," Hotshot muttered, "I just wish he wouldn't try to take it all on himself."

"He was in the car when it happened though.  It's not like he's gonna forget it."

"Ok, you know what let's change the subject, Jack's going to bring David tomorrow."

Mouse blushed furiously, "So?"

"So, you should talk to him.  He's going to ask you out, or if he doesn't you should ask you.  Seriously the two of you have been eying each other since freshman year.  I swear the sexual tension between you two is making _me_ want to jump David."

"Hey!"

"Well it's true.  I mean come on; you two are so perfect for each other."

"I'm gonna make you get out and walk if you don't hush."

"Only because you know I'm right."

"Get out."

"But-"

"No we're at your house, you can get out now.  Tell your mom I said to have a nice Christmas."

*       *      *

"Leave me alone!" 

"Matthew, sweetie," A muffled female voice came in through the closed door, "You can't keep yourself isolated like this.  I don't care if you don't talk to me but at least call Ceja or talk to Rich or Steve or Anthony, just don't lock yourself away like this."

"Mom, just leave me alone ok.  I'll call CJ in a little bit.  If I promise that will you at least leave me alone for a while?"

"I worry about you Matthew."  She said.

"Well I'm fine so you can stop getting on my case about it."

There was silence from the other side of the door for several minutes, and then the sound of his mothers retreating footsteps was heard.  He picked up the phone to dial one of the many familiar numbers, but couldn't bring himself to do so.  

He rubbed tiredly at his eyes and collapsed onto his bed.  His mind wandered as it had been doing for the entire day.  His thoughts came to rest on the same subject they had all day as well.

_"Dutchy, can I get a ride home today?" He ran up to his best friend at the end of the day.  The lucky one already had a car._

_Dutchy looked up from his mess of a locker and nodded, "Sure."_

_"Thanks, I'll meet you outside okay?"_

_"Yup, but hurry, it's snowing."_

_"Give me five minutes."  He sped down the hall and skidded to a stop in front of his locker.  _

_"In a hurry to get out of here today are we?"_

_He turned around to find Hotshot standing behind him smirking._

_"Dutchy's giving me a ride home, you want one?"_

_She shook her head, "I have to go to Lute's for practice.  Lute and Mouse are helping me learn the music so I can write out some routines."_

_"I'll call you tonight then."_

_"Yeah," she kissed him lightly on the lips and they both took off in different directions in the hallway._

_There was plenty of snowball throwing in the student parking lot.  Dutchy was chucking plenty of them himself and several more were aimed at him.  When Specs reached the car Dutchy was halfway down the line or cars chasing after a senior who had pinned him in the back of the head._

_Specs climbed in the unlocked car and started it.  Dutchy returned a moment later shaking the snow out of his hair, a wide smile on his face.  "I got him," he crowed victoriously._

_Specs rolled his eyes but couldn't help but laugh._

_"No Hotshot?"_

_"Doing something with Lute and Mouse."___

_"I'm driving you over to her place later tonight?"_

_"Probably."___

_Dutchy put the car in gear and pulled into the lines of cars trying to leave the school grounds.  Unfortunately he had to wait until all the buses had passed before they got out. _

_"Just think," Dutchy said as they turned onto the road, "We'll be out for Christmas break in less than a week."_

_"Thank God, I don't think I could take more than another week of that awful English class this year."_

_"That my friend is because you are useless when it comes to grammar." Dutchy said as he turned onto a popular side street.  _

_Neither of them was prepared for what happened halfway down the street.  Large trucks were frequent in their towns, as there were several large companies located within I, and many of the drivers knew shortcuts because they drove in the area so often.  On the snowy road coming toward them was one of those large eighteen-wheelers now.  The normally stable vehicle shuddered slightly and began sliding so that it reached the entire way across the road, the cab of the truck aimed directly at Dutchy's car, more precisely at the passenger seat._

_"Dutchy!" Specs yelled in a panicked state as the truck was not slowing in the least.  The brunette braced himself against the dashboard._

_"We'll be ok."  Dutchy stepped furiously on the brakes and in the last second seemed to realize something.  A terrified look crossed his face for a split second before he jerked the wheel sharply to the right.  The car skidded and turned._

_Specs could not clearly distinguish what happened next.  There was a shocking impact followed by his head cracking against something hard.  Everything after that was dissolved by blackness._

_When he woke up in the hospital the first time the only thing he could remember was the intense pain throughout his body, and the almost lethal pain that ran through his head.  He moaned and the pain soon subsided a bit.  He cracked his eyes open and immediately closed them again.  The white lights above him were very near blinding and he wanted to be able to see.  _

_What the fuck he wondered.  How had he ended up here and what had happened?  He tried to remember and it soon struck him.  The accident.  Shit.  How was Dutchy?  He force his eyes slowly open and looked around.  The other people in the room were slightly out of focus but he knew who they were."_

_"Mhmh," For some reason his mouth didn't want to form the words and when he tried to lift a hand off the sheets they felt too heavy._

_"Thank God you're finally awake," His mother's voice came to him, "How are you feeling?"_

_Specs focused before he tried to speak again, "Hurts."_

_"I know it does son," his dad said, "You're being very brave."_

_"Where's Dutchy?" He was sure that didn't come out exactly like it was supposed to but it was enough._

_"Just try to get some more sleep son.  The doctor says you need to rest."_

_"But, Dutch-"_

_"Sleep, sweetheart."_

_His eyelids felt suddenly heavy._

_He slept._

_He was vaguely aware of waking up several other times and speaking to both his parents and a doctor.  Finally he woke up feeling well enough that he wasn't going to pass out form the pain.  He rolled his head to the side to find Hotshot sitting next to his bed. _

_"Hey," she said quietly._

_"What're you doin' here?"_

_"Your parents told them to let me see you.  They're getting something to eat right now.  I've been here since Friday night Specs."_

_"Wait, what day is it?" He watched her._

_"Monday."___

_"I've been out of it for three days?"_

_"You needed the rest.  You still look a mess Specs."_

_"Hotshot, where's Dutchy?"_

_She sat back suddenly, "He's still alive if that's what you're afraid of.  Specs, he's in really bad shape."_

_"Bring me to see him?"_

_She couldn't help but want to do what he said.  He was in so much pain and he was so worried.  "I'll be right back," she promised._

_She returned with a man that Specs vaguely remembered seeing what must have been the past day a moment later.  The man looked very conflicted.  _

_"He's not in wonderful condition himself Miss Pierce.  I'm not sure it would be beneficial to bring him to see Mr. Durecht today._

_"Dutchy," she corrected, "and yes it will help him.  I don't think you understand how much those two mean to each other.  They're best friends."_

_"Doc," Specs looked at the man, "please just let me see him this once." _

_The man gave in, probably far too easy.  He called in an orderly and the two of them helped Specs into a wheelchair.  The doctor accompanied Specs and Hotshot to the elevator and to the floor Dutchy was staying on two floors up._

_When Hotshot had said Dutchy was in bad shape Specs had expected for him to be a little worse off than himself.  He never expected to see what he did._

_"We can't go in," the doctor told him before turning Specs to face the window of Dutchy's room._

_Had Specs been healthy and standing he would have dropped dead where he stood.  Dutchy lay on the cot.  More of his body than not was covered in bandages, some obviously soaked through with dried blood.  His skin or what could be seen of it was paler, even than normal.  There was barely color to his lips and his eyes were closed.  The worst part of all of it was that he was hooked up to so many machines.  Not only did he have the IV for fluids and painkillers that Specs did, but there were other machines monitoring his heart and breathing, some Specs didn't even recognize.  The most disturbing of them was the ventilator, the only thing that kept Dutchy's chest steadily rising and falling._

_Specs choked out a gasp and a sob escaped him.  He opened his mouth but words escaped him.  He grasped for something to say and eventually found something, "No."_

_That was it, the doctor took him back to his room, ignoring whatever Hotshot tried to say.  His parents were waiting, both with faces red with anger.  As the doctor helped Specs get back onto his bed the fumed silently.  Then they let it out after he left._

_"Ceja Pierce, what were you thinking asking them to let him visit Alex?  You've already seen him.  You know what kind of condition he's in.  Matthew isn't in the kind of condition where he should be forced to see something like that."   _

_ "He asked me to bring him up there," Hotshot argued, "He wanted to see Dutchy before but neither of you even thought to tell him how his **best friend was doing.  You**_

_can't__ blame him for wanting to know."_

_"I don't want you back in this room," Mrs. Edwards said glaring, "I don't want you near my son at least until he's out of the hospital."_

_"Fine."__  She ignored the glare of Specs' mother and walked over to his bed.  "I'll talk to you later, okay?"_

_He nodded and she kissed him quickly before she left._

_"Matthew…" his mother started._

_"At least she told me the truth," he snapped before turning to his side so as not to look at them. _

_That was all that came of it and over the next few days his other friends began streaming in to visit him.  Several people sent cards, and all urged him to get better.  He asked his parents about Dutchy only once a day.  Their reply was always the same.  _

_"He's doing okay."_

_It had been more than a week since the accident and he could sit up and move around a little on his own.  He had one broken arm, a sprained ankle, a few broken ribs, a concussion, and some internal bleeding but all had been fixed.  He was going to be fine in a few weeks.  He was slightly happy only due to the fact that it was Christmas Eve._

_His parents were both in the room and he was looking over one of the books they brought him that day.  His mother's outraged cry interrupted him. _

_"Ceja Pierce, I thought I told you to-" she broke off suddenly seeming to see something wrong._

_Specs' head whipped up and he saw her.  Here eyes were red and her cheeks were red.  She was visibly shaking.  It was then that he heard more crying echoing in from the hall before she shut the door behind her._

_No…"he tried to deny it, "No, no he can't… He can't be…"_

_"Specs," her voice shook, "I'm so sorry."_

_He wrapped his unbroken arm around her and let her cry into his shoulder as he tried to keep his own tears at bay.  It didn't work for more than a few seconds._

Specs woke up covered in swear and nearly threw himself from his bed in an effort to sit up.  He looked at the clock to see that it read four am.  It was Christmas Eve.  He wiped salty tears from his eyes.  The dream was the worst nightmare he'd ever had.  And unfortunately it was a reality.

His best friend was dead.

A/N: Ha!  Back with a punch.  Ok, so you might wonder how I can write something like this so close to Christmas.  Something happened at my school last year and on Tuesday I heard that a friend I haven't seen in a while, well her younger sister died.  Other than that though, I swear this is not a one shot, and I will have the end up by the 31st, or whenever the NJL fic contest is over.  There are two more chapters, I think, depends on how much space they take up.  I promise that the end is much happier than this. We just have to get through the sad stuff first.

Hope you like it.  Leave some feedback. 


	2. Confrontations and The Wishing Box

Disclaimer:  Again, I own the characters you know I own, the other ones belong to their respective authors whom you should know, and Disney owns the real Newsies, again who you should know.  Yup.

Hear the Angel Voices 

Chapter 2

Hotshot

The hand-me-down jeep pulled up to the church parking lot, though not a soul moved to get out of the car.  All their eyes roamed the crowds of people that  were entering the church.  One by one they found the boat of a car that everyone recognized.

"Well, obviously he's here," Ruin said, "His car's in the parking lot."

"Thank you captain obvious," her boyfriend muttered.  

She hit him upside the head.

"Why doesn't someone go look and see if he's inside or not?" Racetrack muttered from his corner of the car.

"What do you think I'm doing?" Hotshot asked from her opposite seat.  "Mouse," she spoke into her phone, "Is Specs in there yet?  He's not.  Ok, thanks.  I'll make sure he's there soon."

"The graveyard?" Race asked what everyone was thinking.

"Where else," Pie Eater sighed.

They climbed out of the car and Ruin handed Race a small metal box.  "Shade should be with Jack and David on the back steps to the rectory.  Go give this to them and tell them we'll be back in a few."

Race met up with the three of them again as they entered the graveyard.  Bumlets and Magic were there also; putting flowers on the grave of Magic's grandmother.  It wasn't hard to figure out where the group was going and it grew from four to six without a word.  They walked along the paved path, knowing the way even in the dark.  

They passed the final hill before his grave to find Specs exactly where they'd all known he would be.

*       *       *

He kneeled on the ground not caring about the fact that his good pants quickly absorbed the puddles on the ground.  He didn't care that his clothes would be wet and dirty for church.  His eyes were set and slightly glazed over.  His limbs stiff, and his breathing panicked.

He reached out to touch the flat marble and the words engraved upon it, the angel on the top.  Every word was carefully etched in the beautiful stone.  He felt something drip from his cheek and reached up to wipe away the tear tracks, smudging his glasses as he did so. He took a shaking breath. 

"Why God?  Why did you take him away?"

He read the words that he knew by heart, though he, himself, had not looked upon this stone in many months.

Alexander Durecht

'Dutchy'

Beloved son, brother, and _friend_.  

Life will never be the same without your bright eyes and your even brighter smile.

"Live free, die proud; 

have fun, play loud."

It ended in a quote that was purely Dutchy.  He could still hear those exact words being uttered from his friend's mouth, and remembered hearing them on an almost daily basis.

"Damnit Dutchy, what the hell were you thinking?"  He pounded a fist on the gravestone completely enraged by what he had been dwelling on for the past year.  "It should have hit my side of the car and you know it!  You know that you bastard, you know it!  Why the hell did you have to go and swerve?  I should be the one up there, and you should be the one down here with everyone.  You should be alive.  I…"  He choked back a large sob and his other knee struck the ground.  He gripped the stone not only in grief but now also for balance as well.  "I can't do this without you."

His knuckles were turning white from the grip he had on the tombstone.  Another one of his deep, shaking breaths and he focused his gaze on the angel that adorned the top of the stone.  As he continued the cry his mind smiled.  An angel on Dutchy's tombstone was almost ironic.  Dutchy was far from being an angel.  He remembered the two of them doing so many stupid things since they'd become friends all those years ago.  It didn't matter that they had avoided punishment or even being caught most of the time.  The time Dutchy got really buzzed or the time he almost got them beat up by insulting a group of guys from the next town after an away football game.  There'd been that incident with the weed, but that had only happened once.  The pranks they two of them had pulled had often been stupid, some very much so.  Of course they'd also been hilarious at the time and left them with so many stories to tell.  He realized that he was openly bawling now and gasped for breath, trying to get himself under control.

"You call yourself a merciful God," he yelled, "Than how the hell could you do something like this.  He was only sixteen.  It wasn't his time yet.  And his parents, God…" his voice cracked, "he was all they had; you should see them.  Fuck, what the hell kind of a God would take away someone that so many people love.  I wish you could turn back time and make it me instead.  He didn't deserve anything like that to happen to him.  He didn't deserve to die, and mostly not like that.  How could you take my best friend.  I hate you!

"Damnit Dutchy, you don't know how much I need you around down here. It doesn't work like it used to.  I don't want to have to live like this."  He sobbed again, loudly.  "Why couldn't it have been me?  Do you have any idea how much it's not worth it to be here without you around.  It was my fault anyway.  If you hadn't had to drive me home you would've never had to drive down that road.  I want out.  I want a way to feel like I'm not stuck in some fucking black hole anymore."  He broke again and the tears streamed down his face.  He didn't even bother trying to calm down.

He'd been sitting there for a few minutes when a hand came down on his shoulder.  He reached up and put his opposite hand over it.  That person's other hand came down on the back of his neck and whoever it was crouched next to him.  He gripped her arm more tightly as she hugged him to her.  

"I know," she whispered, "I'm so sorry Specs."

Together they sat like that until the worst of the sobbing was over.  She stood and helped to pull him up, off of his knees.  He pulled her into a tight hug that he desperately needed.  He hadn't known there was anyone else there until suddenly there were several other people in the hug.

His girlfriend's lips found his cheek for a moment and she spoke quietly to him.  "It wasn't you fault.  You know that Dutchy wouldn't want you to blame yourself.  Just imagine how he would be right now if it had been you."  She embraced him more tightly and they all cried. 

*       *      *

They all arrived back at the stairs where David, Jack and shade were sitting a few minutes later.  There were several other people surrounding the stairs.  Snitch and Lute were there, as were Mush, Blink, Snoddy, and other kids from school.  The happiest faces they could manage covered their faces.  The box Race had brought earlier lay open in Jack's lap.  Inside were several pieces of paper, each folded in half and covered with writing.  

Each of them took another piece of paper and passed the pencil around as they wrote down their 'wishes.'  It had been a tradition Dutchy had started several years earlier.  God only knows where he had seen it or thought of it.  Before the church service several of them had met up in the same spot and written their Christmas wishes down on paper, and put them in the 'wish box.'  Then they set the box on fire and left it in the always empty trashcan to burn.  Every year the group grew larger, this year it even included several members of the church choir.  Even thought their wishes did not usually come true they kept the tradition up both at Dutchy's insistence and at the fact that it was one thing no one else did.

The last of them tossed their papers into the box and Ruin forced it closed. Shade took the match from her boyfriend's pocked and lit it before throwing it through the slit in the hole on top.  One person or another threw it into the trashcan and they all walked away.

Specs pulled his choir uniform from his car and began toward the church with Hotshot.  "So what'd you wish for?" he asked.

"That next year would be better for you than this past year was."

"You wasted your wish."

"I don't think so," she grinned, "What about you?"

"Same thing Dutchy wished for every year."

"Snow," she agreed, "That would be nice."

Dutchy had always wished for snow on Christmas eve.  It had yet to happen.  It either rained or there was already snow on the ground.  This year the ground was bare and the forecast told of clear weather.

Specs shrugged on his robe as they climbed the steps.  He nearly ran into a man at the top of the stairs.  "I'm sorry sir- Mr. Durecht…"

"Matthew," Dutchy's father smiled, "Me and Melinda have been looking all over for you.  Melinda, over here."

Specs' face was grim as both of Dutchy's parents stood in front of him, but Mrs. Durecht hugged him tightly.  "It's good to see you Sweetheart," she said, "but why do you look so sad.  Specs sweetie, it's Christmas Eve.  Dutchy would want you to be happy. You know this was his favorite holiday."

"Yeah," Specs couldn't help but grin as he agreed, "it was."

Mr. Durecht handed Specs a small box wrapped in red paper, "This was under our tree last Christmas.  We were so busy then, and you haven't been around at what seemed like an appropriate time to give it to you."

Specs gave the box a once-over as he accepted it.  The tag read To: Specs, From: Dutchy.  He tried to remember what he'd gotten Dutchy the year before and remembered only that it had been something insignificant.  "Thanks," he managed.  

"Now Specs sweetie, do you know who they gave Dutchy's solo to this year."  Mrs. Durecht spoke of the solo that Dutchy had won for the past four or so years.

"I know him," Specs admitted, "He's okay, I just hope he does the part justice."

The three bid each other a happy Christmas and split up.  Specs walked along the edge of the church with Hotshot.

"You should get to the choir room." She said, "Mouse told me they were preparing to send out a search party to look for you."

"I should go then."

"And Specs, please smile more.  If not for Dutchy do it for me.  You know how much I despise coming to church."

He grinned at her attempt of humor, "I don't make you come."

"One of you does, just like Pie drags Ruin along.  I'll see you after the service."  The two split up.

Several minutes later Specs and the other members of the choir took their seats in the front of the church.  The preacher began to speak.

A/N: yeah, you know how people say.  I'll have a chapter up soon, I promise.  Well I say that all the time and when I did it this week I didn't have any time.  Damn.  Well I hope you guys like this chapter.  It's still a bit depressing but I swear the last chapter is much happier.  I'm pretty sure some of you can guess a few things that happen.

If you liked it leave me a review.  Ok, yeah, I'll be back as soon as I do have time with another chapter.

~Hotshot~~~      


	3. Snow

Disclaimer: Hotshot, and Mr. and Mrs. Durecht belong to me. The Newsies belong to Disney, and any other characters belong to their respective owners. Any mistakes about religious stuff are also not my fault.

Oh, Hear the Angel Voices

Chapter 3

Hotshot

The preacher's sermon was largely ignored by the choir. They looked in his direction feigning attention, but really talking amongst themselves. Mouse took Specs' hand in her own as the preacher began to mention those they had lost throughout the year.

"You okay?"

"I'll be fine," he insisted.

"But are you fine now?"

Specs looked out over the people sitting in the crowded church. He stared at their friends for a moment, all clustered in one area, before shifting his gaze to Dutchy's parents.

"I am." He said finally.

"You'll be great." She told him before turning her attention back to the speech.

Specs tried unsuccessfully to do the same.

In the pews Ruin grasped Pie Eater's hand tightly. She did not like church, not one bit. There was something about being there that made her feel as though she were being watched and made her squirm. Being there also made her think of Dutchy, a boy she had known long before Specs had. But then, that usually came with growing up next door to someone.

"He had such a pretty voice," she whispered more to herself than to anyone else.

Pie Eater wrapped an arm around her shoulders, earning a glare from his mother who was strictly religious and felt even such displays were not appropriate in church. Pie chose to ignore her.

"I know," he told Ruin.

The preacher's sermon ended and he nodded to the choir director. She stood and introduced the year's program. In one swift movement the entire choir left their seats. They began the first of several songs. The church choir was very selective. They took children grades six up through college seniors. All of the songs sounded wonderful.

Mouse pushed Specs out in front of the choir before the final song. While he had been in the graveyard the entire choir had taken a vote on who would introduce the final song. The vote had been unanimous.

"Umm…" Specs started shakily, "The last song we're going to sing tonight is 'Oh Holy Night.' I- well, no, we want to dedicate it to a good friend of ours. We want to dedicate it to the memory of our friend Alex. No he was Dutchy. He was my best friend. He's had the solo in this song every year since sixth grade. Probably the reason we've played it last every year, so everyone will stay to, umm… hear him sing." Specs took a deep breath, "As you know we, him and me, were in a car accident last year. He, he umm… he died a year ago today. His body just, uhh… gave out I guess. He was in a lot of pain and he just let go. And we… umm… I just miss him a lot. I miss him more than I can express in words." He was trying hard to keep himself composed and not start crying. "Every day I wish it had been me instead of him. He turned the wheel at the last minute and I can't stop blaming myself for it. I love him, and I wish he were standing up here with me right now so it wouldn't be so hard. I miss him, and this is all for him."

He backed up into the line of singers again and the people on either side of him gripped his hands tightly. He was looking at Mr. and Mrs. Durecht both who looked like they would cry. Mrs. Williams, the choir director, gave him a moment before raising her hands.

The choir started to sing.

_Oh holy night  
The stars are brightly shining  
It is the night of our dear Savior's birth  
aah...oooh_

Specs took a deep breath and started to sing Dutchy's solo. He opened his mouth half expecting no words to come out. But they did, loud and clear. He knew he was not half as good as Dutchy, no one could match him. They would later tell him he'd done wonderful.

_Long lay the world in sin and error pining  
Till he appeared and the soul felt its worth.  
The thrill of hope the weary world rejoices  
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn  
Fall on your knees  
Oh hear the angel voices  
Oh night...divine  
Oh night when Christ was born_

_  
Oh holy night  
Oh night divine  
Oh holy night  
Oh night divine _

The thrill of hope the weary world rejoices  
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn

One of the girls took up the second solo at the songs end.

_Fall on your knees  
Oh hear the angel voices  
Oh night...divine  
Oh night when Christ was born  
Oh night divine  
Oh night divine _

Oh holy night  
Oh night divine

Oh holy night when Christ was born  
holy night when Christ was born

People were on their feet clapping when the song ended. Mrs. Durecht was sobbing into her husband's shoulder. They all took their bows and filed offstage. People were still clapping as some gathered their coats to leave. The preacher said his final goodbyes as people began flowing toward the doors.

Racetrack, Hotshot, Ruin, Pie and others who were sitting together walked back to the choir room to meet up with their friends who it seemed had stayed toward the front of the church to say their goodbyes to family members and old choir members.

1

Specs' parents and the Durecht's were the first to approach him. Mrs. Durecht hugged him tightly.

"Thank you for doing that. It was beautiful, Sweetheart." She stopped him before he could say anything about Dutchy, "He would have been so happy."

"I think so too." Specs said, "I miss him a lot."

"Us too," Dutchy's father nodded, "Now, go have fun with your friends. Go caroling like the lot of you used to."

Specs hugged Mrs. Durecht once more before making a deal with his own parents about extending his curfew. Then he took off in the direction of the choir room. It was hard to face the Durecht but he suddenly felt like a weight had been lifted. Talking onstage and singing Dutchy's part had somehow made him feel like Dutchy was still there.

"Specs! Hurry up! Come here!" Hotshot called when she saw him coming down the hall. "Did you see who's here?"

"Everyone's here." Specs told her.

"Exactly." She pulled him into the crowded room and pointed, "Including Skittery."

Sure enough Skittery was seated on a table in the middle of the room, surrounded by their friends. He'd been in Iraq for the past seven months, ever since he had turned eighteen and graduated the year before. They had all gotten a letter or two and everyone worried they would lose him as well.

He got up upon Specs and Hotshot coming into the room and hugged Specs in a common hello. "You did good, kid." He said in reference to Specs' performance. "I watched from one of the wings. He would have been proud."

"When did you get back? You could've sung with us," Specs stammered.

"I only got in this afternoon."

"We at least would have held the wish box for you."

At that Skittery smiled. "I burned a piece of paper with a wish to get home every day for the past month. And after they told me I was going home I started wishing for snow. Damn near got killed for lighting a match at the airport."

Specs managed a smile and a flat laugh.

The party had started around them. Parents and choir members were arguing over the music to be played and the little kids were filling up plates or sweets and fighting over hot chocolate and whipped cream.

"I only have until two 'o' clock before my parents start hounding me to get home, so let's get going," Mouse insisted. Within five minutes Mouse, David, Jack, Shade, Race, Skittery, Hotshot, Magic, Bumlets, Snitch, Lute, Specs and all the others who took part in the wish box were gathered outside the front of the church.

1

Magic and Racetrack started off the festive caroling as per tradition. They strolled across the street and into the town common. They probably walk around it several more times as well as swinging down near the high school before they went home. The rest of them joined in as well, not all singing quite as loudly. Jack even started to dance, despite Shade's promise that she would dump him if he did not stop being so embarrassing.

Hotshot took Specs' hand as they started singing 'Jingle Bells.' She poked him in the side and nodded toward Mouse and David who were walking along holding hands as they sang. Specs bit his lip in a simple grin.

"_Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all the way_!" Race sang at the top of his lungs.

"…_Oh what fun, it is to ride, in a one-horse open sleigh_!" Skittery chorused back.

"**Hey!**" They all yelled.

Specs started laughing as Skittery and Race started the verse over again as they started running across the common, kicking up the snow already on the ground and sliding on the ice.

"I swear, one day they are going to get us arrested." He said.

Lute, Snitch, Jack and Shade were following Race and Skittery's example. Mouse was as well, dragging a reluctant David along with her. Blink and Mush were starting a snowball war, and Magic was trying to get Bumlets to dance with her.

"You know it isn't really your fault, right?" Hotshot asked.

"If he hadn't turned I would have died and he would have lived. It would have been better that way."

"Specs, if he hadn't turned the wheel you both would have been dead in that kind of impact. The police said so."

"I was so scared right before it happened."

"I thought you didn't remember?"

"Not right after it happened, but I started remembering things around when school started."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

Specs shrugged, "You want to know that the last thing he said to me was?"

She stopped walking, "Only if you want to tell me."

"We'll be okay."

She bit her lip and hugged him. "He turned the wheel because you were his best friend, Specs. He loved you, and he didn't want

anything to happen to you. I don't want anything to happen to you either."

"I'm not going to hurt myself if that's what you're worried about."

"I know you well enough to know you won't, but I want to see you happy. He does to."

"Does?"

"You know, in heaven."

"I thought you didn't believe in God."

"I don't. But Dutchy did and you do, and I don't believe that Dutchy would ever let himself die unless he could watch over you and

make sure you were okay."

Specs kissed her and smiled as he pulled the gift Dutchy's parents had given him out of his pocket. He turned the box over in his hands.

"Is that from Dutchy?"

"Yeah."

"I'm going to go join the others then."

"You don't have to."

"Yes, I do."

She walked away, toward the growing snowball fight, without another word.

1

Specs stared at the gift for several moments before ripping off the wrapping paper. There was a plain white box with no hint to its contents. He ripped the tape that held it closed and slid out the picture frame that was inside. In it was a picture of Specs and Dutchy less than a week before the accident, a close up of the two of them in the student parking lot taken for the yearbook. He knew they were sitting on the hood of Dutchy's car and it killed him to know such. He smiled though, remembering the moment perfectly. It had been nearly sixty degrees that week, with the fickle New England weather playing another cruel trick. They both had huge grins on their faces, laughing at something Skittery was telling them had happened the week before at a party he'd gone to.

He knew then, this picture would always be with him. It would sit on his table at home, and when he went off to college the following fall. There would of course be a copy to put in his office or cubicle, or whatever when he decided to get a job. When he got married and had kids that picture would still remain in the center of the mantle, despite his wife's protests. Though, if she understood him at all she would not protest.

There had to be a letter.

Specs checked the box and sat down on the nearest bench, undoing the clasps on the back. Sure enough a piece of folded paper was inside. Dutchy's rather neat handwriting covered the entire page. Specs took it out as though it were a lifeline of some sort.

Dear Specs,

Well, let's see. I have no money so this is as close to a gift as I can get this year. I stole the frame from my mom's office, but don't tell her and she won't notice. This will probably be at the bottom of your closet by the week after Christmas but I thought it was a good picture. We are going to have so many good times in that car over the next year an a half, unless of course, you buy a better one. In that case I call shotgun.

I know it's still sort of far away but my parents and I met with a financial guy about college stuff last weekend. It hit me that the year after next we're going to go away to college and not see each other everyday. Seriously, I almost cried when I realized that.

And if you're laughing right now, shut up, I'm serious. You're my best friend man. I know that's sort of stupid to say right now because we'll probably go to different schools and make new friends and I'm going to meet tons more people in my life, but you truly are. No one else knows us better then we know each other. I would give my life for you, and I know you feel the same. You've said it a thousand times.

I love you, Specs. Matt, you're my best friend. Do me a favor and don't forget that.

Live free,Die proud.

Have fun,Play loud.

-Dutchy

1

There was water on the picture frame and Specs assumed that it was his tears. He reached up to wipe them away. To his surprise he felt nothing wet on his face. He actually felt a small grin covering his face.

"SPECS!"

The yelling that had been echoing for several seconds was finally comprehended by his brain. He turned around to see everyone looking in his direction.

"What?" he called.

Hotshot shook her head and pointed to the sky. "Specs! It's snowing!"

Sure enough, he then recognized the large flakes falling from the sky. His smile widened. He folded the paper, put it back in the box and returned it to his pocket. He ran to join his friends in running around like little kids in the snow. They were all yelling and screaming. He was certain someone would call the cops on them, but for once he did not really care. This was Dutchy's way of talking to him. This was his closure.

He scooped up some snow, patting it into a solid, round ball, and pelted it hard at Race's face.

TheEnd

A/N: So, that was sort of a long time coming, but my timing was not half bad if I do say so myself. But there, it is done. I doubt anyone even remembers it but it is finished. Any mistakes I made about religious stuff just ignore, because, like Hotshot said in this story, I do not believe in God and I do not go to church. I do hope you all liked it though.

R&R Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays all!

Hotshot


End file.
